Sunday, March 29, 2009

Confessions Of A Wannabe..


I have a confession to make, (actually several but I’m going to stick to the couple which are scrapbook related, at the moment), I just now unloaded my entry for a CT position over at Digital Candy. OMG! WTF (don’t you just love using internet slang?) was I thinking? I’ve never applied for anything like this before and last week I did it twice. Yup, you read that correctly, twice. I, after biting a few bullets, I also applied for a DT position over at Sunshine Studios. If you are thinking I should most definitely have my head examined, I’m with you on that thought. It’s not as if I don’t believe I am capable of these performing well in both situations, perhaps it’s simply that I am a coward. I hate being turned down. Believe it or not, I have been denied very rarely in my life. Growing up as a pampered and, yes, without doubt, spoiled, everything was mine for the taking, (for the asking actually, but you know what I mean). Life in my kingdom was flowing along swimmingly until days after my eighth grade graduation, when my castle crumbled and fell to the ground. (Why am I telling you all this? Too much coffee, definitely). That is unquestionably another story for another day. Let’s just say, my world fell apart and leave it at that.

Talk about going off on a tangent. My point, which seemed to get completely lost in my reflective moment, is I’ve infrequently been turned away from anything I truly wanted. Whether it was a toy, job, man or gift, I could request, pout or, if all else failed, stand on my merits to achieve my objective. These last few sentences paint me as diabolical and manipulative (diabolical, no, manipulative, only as a last result) but mostly I was simply stubborn (a company I wanted to work for finally hired me when I wouldn’t leave after the interviewing process was obviously finished) and I stood firm when necessary (I took a girl’s soccer team to a tournament in Hawaii when those not chosen and thusly resentful of the trip tried everything to stand in our way).

I can’t believe I keep running off at the fingers..

Back to my point, I want these positions and I’m nervous. It’s not as if I think I’m unskilled (okay, occasionally I see myself as ridiculously out matched skill-wise), I think I’m a decent designer who can hold her own. There’s still tons for me to learn and I relish each new trick I pick up. What I see when peeking through the galleries of others, is that my style doesn’t always (or ever) seem to fit in with theirs. I like clean and simple pages. Clean lines, white space not arbitrarily filled with a mishmash of embellishments; clearly I am not a huge fan of clustering, which appears to be ‘all the rage’ at the moment. The few pages I have put together using such techniques are among my least favorite layouts.

Wow, I am so ‘all over the place’ today. Perhaps I’m in need of a walk to clear my head. Below is my first entry into the competition over at DC, first elimination is Friday and, call me Debbie Downer, but, I’m not sure I’ll make it past round number 1. Cross your fingers for me.


Jo on March 30, 2009 at 6:14 AM said...

Good luck with all your applications. It is tough to get turned down. I felt the same way when I applied to host a challenge at DF. Don't give up if they don't pan out. The more you apply to, the better the odds of someone saying yes. :-)